it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
