I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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