yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Randomize
