last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
