I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize