I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
