Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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