She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.