yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize