Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
