my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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