I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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