You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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