I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
