I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
