I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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