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Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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