My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
