worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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