Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.