I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
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I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
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I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.