I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?