yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
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I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
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Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house