I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
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There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.