i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
