Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Randomize
