I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize