I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
