I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dignity is for republicans.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I need water and some morals
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
