All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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