she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Bring me that man meat
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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