"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
