All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
