yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
