After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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