I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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