the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
