Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
