Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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