just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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