You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
