i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
