Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
