you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
