Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
