somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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