well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
