Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I stole a fireplace last night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
