I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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