I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
