when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
