even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
