I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
