he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
