I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
