Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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