This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
