I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
