whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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