My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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