The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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