This girl is more easily done than said...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
