She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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