just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
