I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
