the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
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We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
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Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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