Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
