Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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