R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
