awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
