Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
