There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
