Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
