Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
