Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
