I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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