if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
