Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
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I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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